Landing Page Makeover Clinic #7:

Landing Page Makeover

Today’s makeover is for Chuck Frey’s ebook, Mind-Mapping Software: How to Select the Perfect Program for Your Needs. Chuck lives and breathes this stuff. He’s the Mind-Mapping “Man” but he’s been struggling getting a handle on his target market. (In fact, this is the second ebook effort I’ve reviewed. The first, I thought, needed an entire marketing plan “re-think”, hence the quick side-step to a project that lent itself to this format far better.

Chuck actually has some pretty good marketing language throughout this page. Unfortunately, it’s buried under ho-hum heads and subheads. You’ll see what I mean when you take a look at the current page.

Here’s the background:

  • The Goal
    Increase ebook sales from few to many copies per month.
  • The Problem
    Ads are generating traffic but not closing near enough sales.
  • The Current Landing Page
  • Page/Ad that Generates the Click-Through and Google Adwords
  • Ebook cost

The Maven’s 10-Point Critique

Mind Mapping EbookClick image for larger view

#1 – The current headline is feature-oriented and a restatement of your book’s subtitle. What you want here is to present your book’s “big idea”, the one that speaks to the heart of your visitor’s purchasing anxiety … and fast.

We’ll assume for the moment that your market has a little tiny bit of knowledge about mind-mapping. Something about brainstorming new ideas, boosting creativity, etc. Your book, however, isn’t about mind-mapping per se. It’s about helping those who are considering a mind-mapping software (rather than going it alone with a pencil and yellow pad) to make a smart purchasing decision. So what’s the big idea? You’ve actually buried it in body copy below — Not all mind mapping programs are created equal. That’s your starting point.

#2 – In line with Point #1, add a strong supporting subhead that speaks to relieving the purchasing anxiety.

And what is the anxiety? Making a mistake, buying the wrong mind-mapping program, wasting their time and money. You’re the MM expert. Start showing it in this space, offering to walk your visitor through the evaluation process in a way that’s easy, comfortable and affordable.

#3 – Add a prehead or “kicker” to set-up the headline and the landing page’s marketing premise and promise.

I like to capture the current environment of the visitor with this component. “I know what I want, but there are too many choices. How do I make sense of this?”

Mind Mapping EbookClick image for larger view

#4 – Use a letter format, “Dear Creativity-Boosting Seeker” or some such, to acknowledge where your visitor is in the deciding-to-purchase process.

The salutation doesn’t have to be wildly creative or entertaining. But I always like to acknowledge where the visitor’s head is at — that he/she already knows and wants the benefits promised by mind-mapping. They just want expert guidance as to how to buy the most appropriate program. A letter format also warms up the look of your page and makes it friendlier in its presentation and implied intention. Add your photo near the saluation and don’t forget to sign your letter, too.

#5 – Open your body copy with a restatement of the problem. Share the pain, frustration – and don’t forget the first call to action.

“Maybe it’s me, but … if mind-mapping software is supposed to be about developing clarity of thought and purpose … encourage creativity to flow in less time … then why is it so darned (or other descriptor, even a well-placed #$#%^$%^# would work here) hard to figure out which one to buy. Shouldn’t this process be a whole lot easier? I think so, that’s why I wrote the book, etc. (But not too much “I” orientation. The focus has to be on your prospect’s self-interest and answer the question – Why your book and why now?

#6 – Use an illustration of Mind-Map “Madness” as a way to underscore the confusion your visitor is feeling. Use another to show a second mind-map after someone has made the smart choice after reading your book.

This would be a marvelous way to offer a visual reinforcement of your message. Show them the before: “Too Many Programs” AND after: “Happy Clarity” and visitors will immediately get your message.

Mind Mapping EbookClick image for larger view

#7 – Add several more subheads, each devoted to a strong, relevant benefit to be received by reading your ebook.

What you’re using now is lackluster and anemic. Your subheads are mini-headlines that announce with some sort of benefit and keep the reader moving along from one paragraph to the next.

#8 – Strengthen your ebook description with specifics and excitement – what exactly will your prospect learn by reading your book?

Quantify tips … name names … use exact numbers … be as specific as you can about what there is to be learned reading your book. And aren’t mind maps pictures? Show me some pictures, too.

#9 – Don’t send the visitor away to see your bio. You’re the expert, tout yourself on your landing page in the first few paragraphs.

Offer your experience and credentials as part of your sales copy and do it upfront rather than as an afterthought. Why should a visitor trust your knowledge? Show ’em, tell ’em, and prove it. You do some of this now but I’d like to see you take it to the next level. Eliminate the hyperlinks which direct your visitors away from your sales page and incorporate those salient credibility points in the copy itself.

#10 – Position your strongest testimonial above the fold. Sprinkle the rest throughout the copy.

Testimonials are used best when they’re specific to the body copy talking about that very same thing. Go back to the folks who actually bought your book. Ask them what they thought, how they benefited. Big names are good, but actual user experience is so much better. Use both for maximum effect.


  • Confusion 1: In the order area, the copy speaks to Deluxe Version, yet at first glance I don’t see a standard version mentioned.
  • Confusion 2: If the Deluxe Version really means the main book plus additional reports, then say so. But don’t call them Bonus Reports because bonus in sales almost always means free, not extra.

    Nothing will kill conversion faster than a confused, convoluted message and offer. I’d suggest Standard Version and Expanded Version as possible names.
  • Confusion 3: I’m buying from you, not from Clickbank. I don’t care what Clickbank’s guarantee is, only yours.

    I realize you distribute through them but you’ll still want to rework the copy to talk about YOUR personal guarantee. Also,too, have the guarantee copy ON your landing page adjacent to your seal. No click-aways.

My thanks to Chuck Frey for his patience and support of Heifer International.

Here’s your chance to be the Copywriting Maven’s next landing page makeover!

Got a landing page that’s more poop than pop? Willing to share with Copyblogger readers? Prepared to put a little of your own “skin in the game” for a Maven Makeover? Then follow your click to Maven’s Landing Page Makeover page for all the details. (Please note that I’m booked for new gratis critiques until 12/1. If you’re interested in a private critique/makeover, please email me directly.)

Roberta Rosenberg is The Copywriting Maven at MGP Direct, Inc.

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Reader Comments (43)

  1. says

    Wow, that was an indepth review. the part I liked the most above all was the bonus points where you wrote about the deluxe edition when there are no standard edition mentioned.

    That surely creates confusion. Also I think the ebook pricing should be a little less than whats its at, my point.

  2. says

    Hey! Mind mapping does work :) I use it alot in almost everything and it really makes tough situations real simple.. i wonder how this works.. hmm…

  3. says

    I have another suggestion for Chuck…

    Why not charge $49.95 and position this to small-business CEOs or webmasters (not both!)?

    You could see an increase in sales and revenu, try it for 7 days and you’ll see what I mean.

    Codrut Turcanu.
    “Succeeding Against All Odds!”

  4. says

    Good review.

    But the premise of the product seems somewhat flawed. Buying a mind-mapping sofware is not such a huge financial decision that most people can warrant purchasing a manual on how to make that decision.

    While mind mapping sells well and directly offers benefits, the benefits of this product are softer and more prevention oriented, which is always a harder sell.

    If the creator wishes to persist in this angle, FEAR will be their greatest ally in what will likely remain a tepid pitch.

  5. says

    Alex, thanks for the thoughtful comments. I also agree with you. Here’s an excellent example of a niche product serving an ever “niche-ier” market that, as you pointed out, doesn’t have a strong “big idea” driver making it a tougher sell.

  6. says

    Just kill the two choices and offer one with two bonus reports for a middle of the road pricing point.

    People respond to less choices, right?

  7. says

    Hi Jeremy, actually here’s a case where you can actually do 2 choices. Publishing products oftentimes have a deluxe and standard edition. I would, however, always lead with the benefits of the deluxe and offer a default to the standard.

  8. says

    It seems that these ebook pages do two things really well, or at least, according to Roberta, they should:

    1. Be as specific as possible, do not assume that your prospect knows anything

    2. Lead the reader where you want them to go. The more benefits given, and reasons why the easier it is to make the sale.

    Thanks Roberta…and Brian too!

  9. says

    I enjoyed Alex Goad’s point and also add: good copy will never overcome a poor offer.

    This person could perhaps test giving away this ebook and appropriately filling it with affiliate links to various mind mapping software. (Some mind mapping software is quite expensive, and the affiliate commissions can run into the $200+ mark – far exceeding the price point for the ebook currently).

    To me, I would expect to see this ebook given away for free – in exchange for an email address – positioned at the top of a popular, lucidly well written blog.

  10. says

    I would also add a video tutorial on “how to most effectively use Mind Maps” that I would sell as a back end – or – include as a bonus for prospects who purchase the most expensive Mind Mapping software through my affiliate link.

  11. says

    My thoughts exactly SB John. Thanks for sharing some valuable strategic thinking when it comes to ebooks, because often it’s not selling the book that makes money, it’s what the book sells.

  12. says

    I appreciate your candor and directives.

    Too often we used tired, trite language – leaving the visitor wanting more meat.

    We have to recognize that visitors need us to use our online approach to energize their eyes and shake things up a bit.

    Instead we use mundane and boring language that drags our readers through the mud and leave them with little to look forward to.

    Again…thanks for keeping us on our toes!

  13. says

    Hi Roberta,
    1. A pretty significant problem with going for the ‘fear of wasting your money’ approach is that most mind mapping software is available under a free trial period – two to four weeks. Maybe the ‘fear of wasting your time’ component should carry much more weight.
    2. Many products are out-and-out free, so potential users with doubts can play with FreeMind, Compendium (concept mapper), VYM or InfoRapid KnowledgeMap (free with nags) say.
    3. There’s a heap of web-based mind mapping products available on a small monthly subscription, and when trying them out, a would-be user can often try them free as well, if they limit the number of maps they make until they’ve decided if they want to commit to the product.
    4. People in business often have no choice – the enterprise uses and supplies a license for MindManager.

    The master list of mind mapping &
    information management software

  14. says

    I know this is about content but I would like to see a little bit of emphasis put into the design. Right now it seems very blah and I feel that you can gain a lot of professionalism by simply having a good design,

  15. says

    After reading your post, I can definitely see how mind-mapping can benefit me and my business ventures much more. Thanks for the detailed explanations!

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